It's been a strange few days even the weathers up and down. We woke on both Saturday and Sunday to a sprinkling of snow, which then quickly disappeared, especially on Saturday which turned into a lovely sunny day, enabling us to spend time in the garden doing jobs we've been wanting to do for weeks. The spring like weather got us excitedly planning our veg plot. I must get the seeds out and see what we need to order. J's put a request in for sweetcorn and peas, it's great that he remembers the allotment with such excitement.
It was a good distraction as there's been a lot of stress in the house. As children grow their personalities and characteristics become more apparent. Some surprise you others are more familiar and it's easy to see which parent they have inherited them from. J's been doing well at school, slowly finding his feet and building good relationships with his teachers and the children around him. And then bang, Thursday night it all changed. Seeing a child so upset and worried is horrible and the need to wrap your arms around them and make everything alright is overwhelming.
It had been arranged for J's class to put on an assembly for all the parents and carers this Monday. A great idea for most the class, but for a child like J the thought of being in front of so many people is a nightmare. We are only just starting to see the depth of his anxiety and how it grips him. Trying to calm him down Thursday evening was a struggle. He could not understand how a place where he was beginning to feel safe and secure could suddenly make him so anxious.
We are very lucky that the school treats all the children as individuals, so with their agreement we made the decision not to include him in the assembly, and to not take him to school until it was all over. Even with these promises it's been a difficult few days, ending with a very disturbed night last night for J. A night full of bad dreams, a night when he just couldn't settle. And as I lay in bed next to him I couldn't help but feel quite guilty. If you were to ask me to stand in front of 60 plus adults and sing and talk, I would be a nervous wreck and the thought of it would take over my thoughts for days before hand. I would be just like J, I guess this is one trait I have unwillingly passed on.
And then there's the two year old. Not realising for a moment what his older brother is going through and still so blissfully unaware of the pressures life has in store. For little A, the fact that his mummy has found such a quick and easy play dough recipe is all it takes for contentment. If only everything in life was this easy.